A: To Know Her Is To Love Her

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(Uri is in a waiter's uniform, a tray in one hand)
BaronCzhokula: Excuse me, Private... Walker, is it? Might I have a word with you—?

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Uri: What's on your mind, Sir?
BaronCzhokula: I believe that your are acquainted with my wife, the Countess. Rather... intimately... acquainted...?

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Uri (nervously): Um, hey, man... I... it was... I mean...
BaronCzhokula: Relax. I know all about the provenance of our child. I have always known she wasn't mine. You see...

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B: Secrets And Lays

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BaronCzhokula: My wife was not the only one to bring a little secret to our marriage bed. During the prenuptial negotiations my family held with her, they neglected to disclose that I had been rendered sterile by a childhood mishap. They hoped to pass it off as an oversight when it would be discovered some time after my future was secured as her consort. They didn't want anything to ruin the wedding. They thought it was a brilliant match. I was just hoping she would not have me killed for deceiving her. So you can imagine my bemusement when my blushing bride tried to convince me that I had succeeded in impregnating her on our wedding night. She realized there was something wrong by my stunned reaction to the news. There was nothing else for it, but to come clean... She, of course, thought that my indiscretion was far more egregious than her own... And perhaps in the larger scheme of things, she is right, as the purpose of marriage is to beget an heir...